Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize