I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
