Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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