Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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