i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
