ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
