I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I didn't notice because vodka
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
