I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
birth control should be required to get into college
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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