Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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