It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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