If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
