ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
