just come out here and I will go home with you...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He passed out mid-signature
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
