I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
you made out with another girl for some wings
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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