At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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