I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
