If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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