Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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