her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
