DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
