ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
