i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
