Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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