you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize