trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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