im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
