Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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