i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
