Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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