I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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