new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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