You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
sarcasm needs its own font
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
