We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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