I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
