11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
