When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
