She even gives head with a lisp.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
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Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
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Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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