I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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