u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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