kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize