Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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