my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
