I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
