Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
