You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She needs sedatives and a leash
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
