I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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