I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
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Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
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my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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