the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
