Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
