whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I'm really busy with my period
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