That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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