mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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