Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
