The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
