Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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