We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
