Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
