Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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