hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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