I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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