That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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