3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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