When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
