I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
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