i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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