I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
