I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
where are my eyebrows?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
