How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
