Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
