I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
