What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
